sometimes you fall and need a cookie

You all know I've been having a rough time of it lately. Whenever someone asks me what's wrong, I say "everything and nothing", because that's true. Sure, people are dying and out of work and at war and there's animal cruelty and poverty and cancer and I should be happy that none of those things are happening to me. And I am! I really am. I know I'm a lucky girl despite my whining. But sometimes you just have a day. Sometimes nothing but a cookie will do.

I was walking down 14th Street to meet Suzie, who is an awesome director who has mentored me through the first draft of my play (meaning: she held my hand and listened to my neurotic banter and tangents for like 4 months. She's the greatest). By "walking" I mean "walking really fucking fast" because it was like 6:30, I was late, and the streets were full of people who insisted on walking slower than a 90 year old because, you know, Whole Foods is REALLY INTERESTING. I had my sneakers on so I was able to get a nice clip going. Suddenly, in my periphery, I saw someone swooping around to pass me (walking in New York is like driving), so I tried to walk a bit more to the right, go off the curb into the street, then go back ON the curb and successfully avoid bumping into this guy. I walked back up onto the curb, and I don't really know WHAT THE FUCK happened, but I heard myself go...

"MMMMMMRRRWWAAAAGAGGHHHHUUGGGHHHH!"

...as I fell. Oh, I fell, my friends. I bit it and I bit it hard. FWUMP. Face down in DIRT. Yes, I found the one patch of dirt on 14th street that was around a tree. A Tree Grows in the Village and Kari finds it and almost falls right into it. So, there I am in my favorite coat, on my stomach, in a giant pile of dirt. As I scramble to get up, I realize there are about 10 people who have just stopped. And I mean stopped. Not like...slow rubbernecking. Oh no. This was a traffic jam to make sure the retarded redhead in the blue coat had not broken her neck. I got up as fast as I possibly could, and of course, people are all like "Oh my god, are you okay??? Do you need help getting up?" and I just rattled off the usual things you say when you've just fallen in the street in front of strangers, like "I AM TOTALLY FINE! WOW!" and "WOW I REALLY BIT IT, DIDN'T I?" and "I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT HAPPENED!!" and "OH LOOK I HAVE DIRT ON MY PANTS HAHAHA" and then I booked the fuck out of there pretty much as fast as I could. Of course, I'm wearing a bright blue coat, so it's not like I could just blend. Everyone saw me fall, and everyone saw my bright blue ass doing the Post Fall Walk of Shame.

So I finally met Suzie, and I was like "HI I JUST FELL" and told her all about what happened. She was very sympathetic and I took another few minutes to go wash my hands (which were covered in dirt) and did the best I could with my coat and pants.

Earlier in the day, I had sworn off refined sugar. I decided I was only going to have whole grain snacks in the afternoons at work instead of the normal shit I eat (100 Calorie Packs, Fig Newtons, etc). But after my fall, I got on line to order a coffee and I also selected a large cookie. It was two pizzele cookies sandwiching a healthy portion of Nutella. It was really amazing. I sat down and told Suzie "Oh god, look at me. I'm out of control with the sweets", to which she replied, "You just fell. Sometimes you fall, and you need a cookie".

I want that on a T-shirt.

Sometimes you fall, and you need a cookie.